Pants or Skirts?

"Egalitarian marriage" is a term often passed around in conversation within the Cooper-Risser home. Since the inception of our relationship, we have been intentional about making egalitarian principals a part of our lives, both in our relationship with each other and in our perspective of others.

Tanner previously defined himself using the label of feminist, but we quickly found that term did not quite cover everything we stood for. No doubt we were and are both feminist, but traditional gender roles have not just proved disadvantageous to women. They have limited the roles of men as well, and we felt egalitarian best covers both sides of that coin. In short, we found the idea of being feminists too restrictive. Furthermore, friends often jumped to the assumption that we adhered to some extreme form of feminism involving bonfires and clothing, when in fact we did not. We respect the environment and our resources.

Yet the term egalitarian is still misconstrued at times, despite our attempt at using a label half the population is unfamiliar with, forcing them to listen to our specific definition rather than jumping to conclusions. So today, we would like to monopolize a few minutes of your time elaborating on what we mean and don't mean when we describe ourselves as egalitarian.

What We Don't Mean

1. Women cannot be stay-at-home moms or homemakers. We believe both of these choices are honorable and fulfilling. So is having a career. So is working part-time and staying home part-time. It's not about doing what you are expected to do as a result of your gender; it is about doing what you are most passionate about. The decision should be based off of desire and circumstances rather than gender.
2. That we devalue family. We are currently both working in fields we feel passionate about. We don't have children yet, but whenever we do, we will spoil them (within reason and stop before the "brat" part) and invest adequate time in them. We will ensure our careers are in line with that goal. 
3. That the woman "wears the pants." Whoever is most capable of leadership in a given situation is the most logical one to take charge in that moment. We possess different strengths and weaknesses, so this naturally changes from situation to situation. We do not want Tanner taking care of the car. Neither should Brianna try changing settings on the TV.

What We Do Mean

1. We do what we excel at. We feel different people are called to various vocations. Some women are called to be stay-at-home moms. If a women is called to that, it is what she should do. Some men are called to that as well. And sometimes both spouses are called to work outside the home. All of the scenarios maintain equal value (as long as the situation is sustainable).
2. We both put our family first. Tanner is not pressured to provide everything for our family. We are both responsible for taking care of our family.
3. We divide responsibility equally. We divide household chores equally and then negotiate. On occasion bribery is involved. Both of us are fully responsible for maintaining our life together. We value the humility that comes with mutually submitting to one another.

By no means is this list exhaustive, but it is our hope that it has better defined what we mean by the term "egalitarian." Feel free to post additional questions in the comments section on our blog.